After losing someone, how do we move on?

November 4th, 2022, forever changed my life. It was a long work day for me, relaxed in my chair - consciously glued to 3 monitor screens, at 8PM. Yet, I was focused on what I was working on. I didn't know I would be engaged for much longer than that, because in the back of my mind it was almost time to sign off. Relaxation with Netflix was calling to me, slowly but surely.

I had been in the technical field for over 25 years, and was serving as a Development Operations (DevOps) Manager. The world of DevOps is all about lifecycles - and constantly improving the technical health of an entire organization. You didn't have to be an expert programmer to be perfect at it, nor be the most consummate communicator to executives, managers, teams on the soft or hard side of skillsets, or new interns. But, you had to be someone with a drive to be risk-aware and create backup plans for now, and years later.

In DevOps, you have to be someone who knew how to make good teams and software better - not just your team. You had to be someone whom people trusted when things got complicated. I was proud that I was in this role, we were all going somewhere great.

A bit after 8PM, as I was winding down, I got a call from my wife. I was actually in the other room and missed it, and was going to give her a call back. I knew then, when the phone rang again almost immediately that something was not right. As I picked up the phone, what I heard from her was something that I thought didn't make sense. She told me that "Something bad has happened to Greg and Grace". Something was wrong with my wife's sister and brother-in-law. My wife didn't have more detail than that, but yet she and her mom were getting the car to travel to the hospital.

After getting off of the phone with her, and trying to believe that things could be ok, I started pondering on Greg and Grace's daughters. I began to cycle through thoughts of things being ok, to attempting to ignore the worst, all while packing as much as I could for the 3 hour drive up to the bay area. My DevOps and other 'cool-under-fire' training helped me try to keep things in my mind under control. As everything I could muster I would need was packed in the car, I had no idea that I wouldn't be seeing our home for an incredibly long time.

My phone rang, and my wife let me know the bad news. "Grace and Greg died in a car crash, their 7 year old daughters survived". I drove my car for 3 hours straight, between phone calls, thinking about what was next, thinking through a plan of how I could help. After getting to the hospital and helping my wife and her mom with anything I could do, I knew that we were all in shock.

We were doing the best we could do in these moments, and we knew that being right there was tantamount. No one should lose their daughter, son, brother, sister, mother, or father this abruptly. No one should contend with someone in a speed contest traveling 100+ MPH in a 35MPH zone. This is what happened to Greg and Grace.

The reason I became a Certified Licensed Professional Fiduciary (CLPF), after having success in the tech field, was because I know firsthand what needs to be done after disaster strikes and people die. My wife and I became Guardians of our nieces, with its own process of approval and restrictions. We had to learn much more as well.

The best game plans are only that. A plan. I can be that person that helps execute this game plan, and helps to take the load off of everyone involved to focus on their grieving.

In my next blog, I will be speaking more about what happened after the stay in the hospital, as well as one thing that could help you secure your legacy.